Why men hide their depression
The media has been dominated this week by the news that Gary Speed took his own life. I don't want to say much about that, because I didn't know him and have no idea what he was going through. Like everyone else, I would just like to send my condolences to his family, because they must be devastated. But it has brought the issue of men's depression very much into the spotlight – and particularly the worryingly high suicide rate among men. Suicide is the second-highest cause of death for men under 35 in England and Wales – a shocking and frustrating statistic, because these deaths could be prevented with the right help and support.
Men are nearly three times more likely to take their own life than women, with men aged 15-35 and 65-75 at particular risk. The majority of these men will have been suffering from depression (suicidal thoughts and impulses are common when we are depressed), but male depression generally goes undiagnosed and untreated. Why? First, because there is still a stigma attached to mental illness. Men – famously loath to visit the doctor for any kind of health problem – struggle to tell anyone they are feeling down, especially other men. Seeing it as a sign of weakness, they will laugh and joke with their mates in the pub even if they feel rotten beneath the jokey facade.
Because women are more comfortable with emotion, they will tell their friends, family, partners and GP if they are feeling depressed. They can then get the right treatment and, in most cases, recover and get on with their lives. Men are also more likely to self-medicate with recreational drugs or alcohol. These might make you feel better, or at least numb the painful feelings, at the time but will leave you feeling even worse the following day (alcohol is a short-term stimulant but a long-term depressant, so is the last thing you need when you're low).
Most worryingly, I don't think the vast majority of depressed men realise they are depressed. When women are down, they tend to show the classic signs of depression – being tearful and obviously unhappy – whereas most men go very quiet, get angry and short-tempered when they are depressed. And depressed men often feel numb or frozen inside, rather than upset, so it's hard for them or even those close to them to know they are suffering from depression.
If you would like to know more about men and depression, read Terrence Real's excellent I Don't Want to Talk About it: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. I specialise in depression, so would be happy to help – a combination of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) with a few simple lifestyle changes will make you feel a great deal better. And if you are prone to cyclical bouts of depression, I can also help you reduce the severity and frequency of these bouts for the rest of your life.
Please note: if you are feeling suicidal, please contact your GP or talk to the Samaritans on 08457 909090.
Best wishes,
Dan
Tags: Addiction, Anger management, Anxiety, Cognitive Therapy, Men's depression, Mental health, Stress
