I recently wrote a post about Elaine Aron's wonderful book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. I also admitted that it was a particular eye-opener for me because I realised she is writing about me – I am a highly sensitive person and proud of it. And probably at least 50% of my clients are HSPs too, so this concept has helped me immensely, both personally and professionally.
As a follow-up, here are three of the things I have realised about how we highly sensitive folk need to take care of ourselves day to day:
- We need time to process. Sometimes, in my downtime between seeing clients, writing up session notes, and all the many other things I do as part of my (wonderful) job as a therapist, I notice that I am compulsively surfing the Web. Having recently given up social media (here's another post about that), I realised that looking at The Guardian's website and depressing myself with the latest scary thing happening in the world, or just reading football-related nonsense, was my new digital addiction. I also realised that it made me feel, well, just bad. HSPs need time to process stuff, because we are so attuned to every detail of what is happening that it's easy to get flooded (what Aron calls being over-aroused). So more mindfulness for me, less scary news and screen time.
- Slow is (generally) good. Linked to the first point, because being an HSP means that our central nervous system is unusually sensitive (which is neither good nor bad, just a largely genetic trait), we get easily overwhelmed by things. Bright lights, loud noises, strong smells, traffic, too much information, too many strong emotions, big crowds, strangers, public speaking, aggressive or loud people... the list is a long one but will be unique to you – some of these may be triggers for you, some not, but you will definitely have your triggers. Personally, I like to talk and think about things slowly. I am more into deep thinking and powerful, one-to-one conversations than social chit-chat. Slow is good for me, even if I don't always remember that.
- Alone time helps us recharge. As Elaine Aron points out, not all HSPs are introverts. You can be a highly sensitive extrovert, but common sense says that most HSPs will prefer small groups, close friends or time alone. I am certainly one of those – although I love seeing clients all day, or even teaching large groups, I do find some alone time in the day invaluable. It helps me rest and recharge, as well as giving time for processing everything I have thought, seen and experienced that day (see point one). As with all of these points, it's important to remember that none of this is good or bad, it's just how I and probably most people reading this are wired. Learning to love and accept yourself as you are is a crucial component of schema therapy, so recognise your need to be alone sometimes and carve out that time for yourself.