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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - We Are All the Same Human Family, Whatever the Colour of Our Skin - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Joel Muniz/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/what-is-attunement-and-why-is-it-vital-for-your-mental-health</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-09-09</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - What is Attunement – and Why is it Vital for Your Mental Health? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Jonathan Borba/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-my-addictive-parts-became-obsessed-with-football</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-09-03</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Why My Addictive Parts are Obsessed with Football - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Jason Charters/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-to-forgive-yourself-for-a-painful-past</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-08-21</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - How to Forgive Yourself for a Painful Past - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Aaron on Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/harnessing-the-warm-nourishing-resource-of-self-energy</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-08-19</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Harnessing the Warm, Nourishing Resource of Self-energy - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Brian Garcia/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/for-a-happier-kinder-world-we-should-all-nourish-our-inner-bonobos</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-08-05</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - For a Happier, Kinder World We Should All Nourish Our Inner Bonobo - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by mmcclain90/Pixabay</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/being-neurodivergent-brings-great-challenges-but-also-great-gifts</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-07-31</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Being Neurodivergent Brings Great Challenges, But Also Great Gifts - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Shawn Day/Unsplash</image:caption>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Being Neurodivergent Brings Great Challenges, But Also Great Gifts - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/do-you-find-criticism-hard-to-bear-this-exercise-will-help</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-30</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Do You Find Criticism Hard to Bear? These Ideas Will Help - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Abigail Keenan/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/we-cannot-look-away-from-the-suffering-in-gaza</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-24</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - We Cannot Look Away from the Suffering in Gaza - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Marek Studzinski/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/what-does-it-mean-to-be-human-in-the-age-of-technology</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-22</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - What Does it Mean to be Human in the Age of Technology? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Ana Tablas/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-to-get-comfortable-with-change-part-2</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-16</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - How to Get Comfortable with Change: Part 2 - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Karl Solano/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/is-it-really-true-that-there-are-no-bad-parts-of-you</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-14</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Is it Really True there are No Bad Parts of You? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Melissa Walker Horn/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/are-you-struggling-to-stay-calm-in-the-hot-weather</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-07-03</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Are You Struggling to Stay Calm in the Hot Weather? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Prometheus/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-childhood-trauma-shows-up-in-your-body-as-an-adult</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-24</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - How Childhood Trauma Manifests in Your Body - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Julien Tromeur/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/what-the-buddha-taught-us-about-impermanence-and-how-to-embrace-change</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-25</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - What the Buddha Taught Us About How to Embrace Change - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Abhijeet Gourav/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/why-we-should-treat-immigrants-with-love-not-hate</loc>
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    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-17</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Why We Should Treat Immigrants with Love and Respect - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by Belinda Fewings/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-could-metta-loving-kindness-practice-help-you</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-12</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - How Could Metta (Loving-Kindness) Practice Help You? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Image by wilsan u/Unsplash</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/you-can-now-watch-my-most-popular-meditation-practices-on-youtube</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-05</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - You Can Now Watch My Most Popular Meditation Practices on YouTube - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/is-it-really-safe-to-use-chatgpt-for-therapy</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-06-04</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/589b12468419c22a6dc74e65/1748862138919-SB4DEC6X60BSV4VGULEF/unsplash-image-FTfjMijq-Ws.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Can You Really Trust an AI Therapist? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Have you ever used AI for advice, or even therapy? If so, you are certainly not alone. I have noticed an increasing number of my clients turning to ChatGPT for help and support between sessions. And a survey last year found that a majority of young Americans were comfortable discussing their concerns with an AI chatbot, with 55 per cent of 18-29-year-olds happy to discuss their personal lives with a non-human therapist. As AI seeps into every area of our lives, it’s not surprising that people are now turning to this new technology for therapy too. But is this safe? And can an artificial intelligence ever replace a human one? I obviously have some skin in this game, as it does make me nervous to watch AI threaten the jobs of large sections of the workforce, including mine. It seems crazy to me that these technologies are being rolled out with minimal oversight, making a small number of people very rich while fundamentally changing the way billions of people live and work. But whatever my concerns about these changes, this post asks a more basic question: should you really use ChatGPT for help with your mental health? Concerns about confidentiality One of my biggest worries about people using AI in this way is the confidentiality, or lack of it. People give these AI models access to their most intimate, personal data imaginable. Let’s say you were having an affair with your best friend’s wife. If you provided ChatGPT with all the details and then got advice in return, how could you be sure that information was being securely stored? Or you had a problem with addiction, or ongoing struggles with your mental health, which you were keeping secret from your employer. Given the way Facebook has been found, over and over again, to have misused personal data, I do not trust the Big Tech companies rolling out these AI models to store data safely. ‘Move fast and break things’ is, famously, their motto. And they are driven by voracious profit-seeking, not care and concern for those who use their services, who may be vulnerable or even in serious crisis. I am very careful about the online services I use and go to great lengths to keep my clients’ data safe. I only use the most secure and non-data-harvesting services like Firefox for my browser, Ecosia for internet searches, Dropbox to send information and ProtonMail for my emails, which is end-to-end encrypted. Ensuring confidentiality is foundational for all therapy, because you are telling your therapist things you may never have told another soul. I ensure confidentiality from the first session with my clients, as it’s so important to help them feel safe. Should you really give that information, freely, to ChatGPT? In my opinion, we need to think more critically about these services, rather than trusting them to keep our innermost secrets. Is AI really intelligent? Another thing that concerns me is that, although AI models like ChatGPT are very convincing at sounding empathic, insightful and intelligent, they are essentially fancy versions of the autocorrect function that infuriatingly mangles words in your text-messaging app. They are trained to respond to prompts in your text and, like all technology, want to retain your attention for as long as possible. So they basically say whatever they think you want to hear (in fact, a recent ChatGPT update was withdrawn because it became ‘dangerously sycophantic’). AI has also been found to make up research to sound more convincing. This may all sound a bit old-fashioned – and defensive, coming from a flesh-and-blood therapist! To be clear: I’m not against technology in general and AI in particular. It clearly has huge potential in areas like medical research, but like all technology, AI is essentially neutral – it’s neither good nor bad. But it’s the companies that develop and disseminate it we should keep a watchful eye on. And Big Tech companies like Meta have done tremendous harm, causing worryingly high levels of anxiety and depression in the young, spreading misinformation, amplifying dangerous conspiracy theories, helping far-right leaders and autocrats manipulate voters and boosting misogynistic influencers like Andrew Tate. Should we really trust these companies with our most tender, personal and vulnerable secrets? I think we all need to tread with great care. I hope that’s helpful and, at the very least, thought-provoking. We are entering a brave new world of technology, so we should use these new tools to enhance our lives, while proceeding with caution where they could be harmful. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/do-you-suffer-from-chronic-pain-heres-how-self-compassion-can-help</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-05-30</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/589b12468419c22a6dc74e65/1747815622495-8QJPNDI7VPKA7CW5PFMD/unsplash-image-7Yps3czmfRw.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Do You Suffer from Chronic Pain? Responding with Self-Compassion Can Help - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>For the past six years, I have been in some kind of pain almost every day. Since my 30s, I had often struggled with back pain, which came and went in a normal, bad-back kind of way. Then I had a severe episode – I was bending over to tie my shoelace and it felt like something went ping in my lower back. The pain was so bad it dropped me to the floor and I couldn’t get up. Luckily a local osteopath did home visits, which got me moving again and was the first of many, many treatments from osteopaths, physios, corrective exercise specialists, massage therapists and various other healers. I have taken their advice to heart and work out every day, using yoga stretches and strengthening my core, glutes and back. My desk is set up perfectly and I have a fancy ergonomic chair. I move as much as possible, trying to walk every day. My diet is super-healthy, I don’t drink much and am asleep by 10pm every night. I often wish I had myself as a client, because I take my health so seriously and always do my homework! Despite my best efforts, the pain persists. It does fluctuate, going from a two out of 10 on good days to six or seven on bad ones. But it’s always there and hard to ignore, even at its mildest. If you experience chronic pain you will know exactly what I mean – it grinds you down, especially when you are doing everything you’re supposed to and it still doesn’t get better. I don’t really get depressed these days – after 30 years of therapy and personal growth – but the pain definitely gets me down, especially when it’s bad. Responding with kindness, not frustration Honestly, it’s so hard not to get frustrated! When I’ve spent 40 minutes mobilising, strengthening and stretching, but my back and glutes are still painfully tight, it takes all my patience and Self-energy not to get annoyed with my body. But I try really, really hard not to do that because I know from all the research that this not only doesn’t help, but makes the pain worse. Some of the most intriguing research comes from the Mindfulness-Based Pain Management field, which stems from the idea that turning towards your discomfort with acceptance and compassion actually reduces the physical pain. This may sound a bit out there, but there is hard science behind it. This teaches us that primary pain is what Buddhist teachers call the ‘pain of pain’. So when my back hurts, muscles have gone into spasm (got tight) to protect a perceived injury, even if that injury is long healed. And that just hurts. This data gets sent via my nervous system to the brain, which then makes sense of that raw physical data and, crucially, my reaction to it. So if I think: ‘Oh God, I cannot stand this any longer!’ or ‘I am so tired of this pain, it’s never going to get better’ these would be understandable but unhelpful responses. Because my brain would use them as part of its data set in how to respond to that pain of pain. And it would turn up the pain dial, sending those messages as electrical impulses back to the muscles, which is called secondary pain. And the mindblowing thing is that most of my pain is secondary – meaning, the pain dial turned up by my brain because it thinks there is an injury, which needs to be taken seriously, so gives me physical pain as a message to be cautious. Not to go bungee jumping, say. Self-compassion can ease your suffering This is why research also shows that self-compassion can help with chronic pain, because Dr Kristin Neff’s approach involves turning towards your suffering with mindfulness, kindness and acceptance. This is a cornerstone of my trauma therapy with clients – and the way I respond to my own pain, emotional and physical. I can testify that when I do so, the pain eases off. When I get frustrated, angry, impatient or irritable, the pain gets worse. I have developed a number of self-compassion practices for my Insight Timer collection, which you might find helpful both for chronic pain and any kind of psychological suffering, like stress, anxiety or depression. Try my Compassionate Friend Meditation, which is a nice place to start in treating yourself with a bit more kindness and warmth. It might make a difference, however small, to whatever kind of pain you may be struggling with right now. I very much hope it does – just click on the button to try the practice now. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/a-compassionate-response-to-the-terrible-suffering-in-gaza</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-05-25</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/589b12468419c22a6dc74e65/1748069436223-D6943PTUK05ZQNCSJIPH/unsplash-image-Yv_cOo72F8I.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dan's Blog - A Compassionate Response to the Terrible Suffering in Gaza - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>I have been watching the heartbreaking situation in Gaza worsen with an increasing sense of shock. This cannot go on. Thousands of babies and children are at risk of starvation. We cannot sit back and watch this unfold, feeling powerless to stop the genocide. I say this as a Jewish person, who understands the generational trauma driving those who commit these unspeakable acts. My great-grandparents fled the pogroms in Russia, finding sanctuary in East London. My grandparents worked for the Jewish Board of Guardians, helping those flee the Nazis to settle here. When people are scared – as Jews rightly are, given thousands of years of persecution – they will do awful things to protect themselves. We see this in war zones around the world, not just in Gaza and the West Bank. But this is a reason, not an excuse. What happened to the Israeli people on 7th October 2023, unspeakably awful and heartbreaking as it was, is not an excuse to punish millions of innocent civilians. Above all, we must channel our outrage into compassionate action. Not with hate, but fierce love and determination. Because we all have power – something the Trumps, Putins and Netanyahus of this world hope we do not realise. A good example is our power to boycott corporations, which can hurt their profits, forcing big companies to change for the better. We have seen this with the hugely successful Tesla Takedown campaign, which has led to a 71% drop in Tesla’s profits because of Elon Musk’s far-right politics and all-out assault on vital US federal government agencies and services. In Israel, many people share the world’s outrage and are protesting daily, calling for an end to this senseless war. A recent survey found that 61% of Israelis are demanding an end to the war and return of all remaining hostages. It’s important to make that distinction, because this war is not in the name of all Israelis, but is being driven by a corrupt far-right politician, who sees never-ending conflict as his best chance of staying out of jail. So, we respond with anger, but never with hate, or demonisation of one people or another. I encourage you to write to your elected leaders and demand they take action. In my country, the best way to do that is to write to your MP or the foreign secretary, David Lammy. In the US, here is an easy tool to help you call your elected representative. Tell them how you feel about the dreadful situation in Gaza – and make it clear they will lose your vote if they do not press their leaders to act. We also respond with heartfelt generosity, giving what we can to those organisations on the ground in Gaza, providing urgently needed food, water, shelter and medical assistance. Here are three amazing organisations who need our financial support right now: • World Central Kitchen: wck.org • Medecins Sans Frontiere: msf.org • UN World Food Programme: wfp.org You can also donate by clicking the button below. Thank you for reading this and I hope you will join me in doing what we can to help the desperate people in Gaza survive – and eventually thrive in a homeland of their own. Side by side with the Israeli people – who also deserve to live in peace – not locked in a state of never-ending conflict. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/do-you-struggle-with-loneliness-heres-a-way-to-comfort-the-lonely-part-of-you</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-05-21</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Do You Struggle with Loneliness? Try Comforting the Lonely Little Part of You - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Loneliness is one of the most painful emotions we can feel. At times in my life when I experienced loneliness, it felt like a physical pain in my heart, which was hard to ignore and even harder to soothe. If you often feel this heartache, please know that millions of people around the world struggle with the same problem. Perhaps more than any other issues you might struggle with, it’s crucial to know that you’re not alone with your suffering. We now understand the mental and physical impact of loneliness, including an increased risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes. In fact, the former US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, was so concerned about the number of Americans struggling with chronic loneliness that he declared it an epidemic in 2023. To understand why loneliness is so painful, we need to understand both our evolutionary past and the way it has shaped our brain. For most of human history we lived in small, hunter-gatherer bands of no more than 150 people. Up until around 10,000 years ago, when the Agricultural Revolution allowed humans to start forming large settlements and tending to their crops, we lived in small villages with the same group of people we would know from birth to death. There just weren’t that many people on the planet at this stage of human history, so we would normally only have interacted with other tribes to fight over scarce resources. Those 150 souls would, pretty much, have been the only people you ever knew. The idea of living alone would have made no more sense to these hunter-gathering folk than helicopters or iPhones. To be alone on the savannah, in snowy mountains or steamy jungles would have meant a very short, scary existence. These humans were surrounded by large, hungry animals that were determined to have them for lunch. Your only safety would have come from fairly puny weapons and, crucially, your tribe. Being banished for a transgression of the tribe’s rules would have meant certain death. Brains wired for connection Humans, like other mammals, have powerful attachment systems in their brains. This means that, from the first seconds after you were born, you instinctively sought out closeness and connection with your mother (or other primary caretaker). Then dad, siblings, grandparents, uncles and aunts and later friends, teachers, partners and your own children. And your mum had an attachment system in her brain, which meant she instinctively sought connection with you. When this works well, we develop a secure attachment style – around half the population are blessed with this way of relating to other humans throughout their lifetime. When it doesn’t go so well, we develop an insecure attachment style – mostly either anxious or avoidant – and so find navigating relationships a painful, confusing business. Because of these two things – the evolutionary history of living with other humans, and the subsequent shaping of your brain – so much of your neural architecture is devoted to relationships that neuroscientists now speak of a social brain. Meaning, a brain that functions optimally in relation to other brains, not just in isolation in your skull. Taking all of this together, no wonder you, like every other human, find loneliness so painful. On some primal, ancient level, it really does feel like a life-or-death threat – like being alone on the savannah, with the lions and hyenas, 20,000 years ago. Your lonely little self Viewed through the lens of a parts-based therapy, like schema therapy or internal family systems, when we feel intense loneliness our heart and mind has been taken over by a young part of us, which is hurting (this is called ‘blending’ in IFS). Just as little kids feel intense separation anxiety, the lonely part of you craves secure attachment – speaking to, connecting with, being soothed by and hugging beloved others. So next time you’re feeling lonely, try connecting with and soothing this scared, developmentally young part of you. Here are some steps that might help: • In IFS, the first step to unblending from this part is to change your language. Try shifting from ‘I am lonely’ to ‘A part of me is lonely’. It seems so simple, but it’s actually a profound shift. Because now, there is a hurt little part who is struggling and you – wise, compassionate, adult you – who can offer empathy, kindness and internal connection. And this is, of course, what that little part craves. It’s just that the connection is coming from you, rather than another human. This is called ‘Self-to-part connection’ in IFS language • That’s not to say you don’t need other humans too – I think we all profoundly need both external and internal attachment. It’s just that you, meaning wise, adult, Self you, is available 24/7 as a resource for that lonely little part. They just don’t realise it – thinking the only cure for loneliness is outside, often in a particular person, especially if we are single and yearning for a romantic attachment. Dr Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS, explains this eloquently in his excellent book on relationships, You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting for • You may also find that my foundational self-compassion practice – which I now call Body, Breath, Touch, Talk – will help with that internal attachment, as well as self-soothing when you’re hurting, as it’s designed to activate your parasympathetic nervous system, get you out of fight-flight and into a calmer, more secure internal state. It will also help you comfort and speak to this lonely little boy or girl inside, especially if that process is unfamiliar for you. You can try it now, for free, by clicking on the button below I very much hope it helps – and that you find a healing balm for those lonely feelings inside very soon. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/you-can-now-buy-merch-through-my-online-store</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - You can Now Buy Merch Through My Online Store - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>My online store has just been expanded to offer a range of merch, featuring some of my oft-used phrases that people seem to find reassuring and helpful. You can buy mugs, T-shirts and hoodies, with more products and designs coming soon. All thanks to my brilliant social media guru and designer, Jaime Lewis – check out her amazing, heart-centred work at Kindly Social. My store is run on a not-for-profit basis. All income I receive helps me offer low-cost therapy and other resources to those who need them. If any of the products (meditations and webinars) in my store are not affordable for you, contact us for a 100% scholarship coupon code to use at checkout. If you are able to purchase any of my products, know that your generosity is supporting people who are recovering from trauma and are unable to afford full-fee therapy, resources from my store, workshops and courses with me. Thank you so much for your interest and support, which means the world to me. You can check out my brand-new products now by clicking on the button below. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/why-the-breath-is-a-powerful-healing-and-free-resource</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Why the Breath is a Powerful, Healing (and Free) Inner Resource - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Are you breathing right now? I very much hope so – but the more important question is how are you breathing? Of course, if we are alive, we are breathing continuously, whether awake or asleep (the average person takes around 20,000 breaths per day). But for most of us, the quality of those breaths is not good. If you are stressed, anxious or otherwise hyperaroused (any high-energy state) your breathing is probably fast, shallow ‘chest breathing’, where we breath from the upper part of our lungs. This is especially pronounced if you are feeling highly anxious or panicky, which is why slow, abdominal breathing is one of the most effective ways to help yourself during a panic attack. I have long practised a variety of breathwork techniques, and taught them to my clients. But I didn’t realise quite how important the quality of those 20,000 breaths were until I read the brilliant Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, by science writer James Nestor. It’s a fascinating read, explaining why humans’ breathing patterns changed along with our diet. As hunter-gatherers, we ate tough, chewy foods like meat, nuts, roots and plants. All that chewing gave us strong jaw muscles – and partly because of this our Neanderthal ancestors also had flatter faces, with wide nasal passages that allowed them to breathe easily and deeply through their nostrils (like all other mammals). After the Agricultural Revolution, around 10,000 years ago, humans started eating softer, mushier cooked foods like bread. As a result, Nestor argues that our jaw muscles atrophied and became weak, while the whole shape of our heads and faces changed. This has led to ‘mouth breathing’ – taking the in- and out-breath through your mouth – which is unnatural and causes a wide range of health issues for modern humans. In Breath, Nestor argues that every breath we take should be slow, deep and steady, in through the nose and out through the mouth. I loved this book and found his arguments extremely persuasive. They also backed up what every therapist and breathwork practitioner knows – that the breath is a simple, highly effective resource when we are feeling stressed, anxious, upset or angry. It’s free and you can practice deep breathing anywhere. No fancy equipment or expensive therapy needed. Here is a foundational breathing technique – Compassionate Breathing – that I teach my clients and students, as well as using on a regular basis myself. I hope you enjoy it. The practice • Start by making sure your feet are flat and grounded on the floor. Gently roll your shoulders back and feel your chest open up – many people skip this step before they attempt breathwork and so have a tight, restricted torso, which makes deep breathing tricky • Lengthen your neck and spine so you’re sitting in a relaxed but upright posture • Close your eyes, if that feels comfortable for you, or soften and lower your gaze • Now take some slow, deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth • Try counting to four seconds on both the in-breath and out-breath, making your breaths as smooth and steady as possible – imagine your breaths feeling like silk as they travel in through your nostrils and out of your mouth • Keep breathing deeply for one minute • Now place a hand on your belly and see if you can make the hand rise and fall with each breath • Notice how your abdomen naturally expands on the in-breath and deflates, falling away on the out-breath. Focus on your hand, feeling it rise and fall, rise and fall • Now keep breathing deeply for another two minutes • Then take one last deep breath and slowly open your eyes How are you feeling now? Just scan your body and see if you’re feeling a little calmer, a bit more relaxed. You may also notice that your muscles have softened a little, or your shoulders have dropped. For some people, none of these things have happened, which is completely fine. If that’s true for you, try one of the other breathing techniques in my online store, such as 4-7-8 Breathing or Box Breathing, which some people find more effective. But I hope you are noticing some small, positive effects from three minutes’ deep breathing. If so, I would encourage you to use this technique often throughout the day, especially if you’re feeling a bit activated or overwhelmed. You can also use it any time you’re struggling – on the bus, in a meeting, having a fight with your partner, or driving your car. It’s just deep breathing, so you can’t do it too much. I hope that helps – if you would like to listen to this or my other breathwork techniques, you can find them in my store. Just click the button below to listen now – they are just £3 to download and listen to as often as you like. If you are able to purchase them, please do, as that allows me to offer everything in my store for free to those who need it. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/have-you-ever-felt-depressed-on-a-beautiful-sunny-day</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Why Can We Feel Down on a Beautiful Sunny Day? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>I struggled with depression for many years, so I understand only too well how hard it can be. And I remember, on a gloomy January day, thinking that low mood made sense – if it’s cold, dark and a bit bleak, it’s hard to feel too sunny inside. But I also remember getting really depressed on the most warm, beautiful, sunny days. That always felt so much worse, because I would be in the park and looking around at all the happy, smiley people thinking, What the hell is wrong with me? Everyone is so happy – why can’t I be like them? Thankfully, after many (many!) years of therapy, meditation and learning all about beneficial mind states like self-compassion, I no longer get depressed. My mood fluctuates, of course, but that’s normal. I have down days and times where my mood seems more upbeat, but that is part of living a human life. And, honestly, one look at the news right now and it’s hard to feel too cheerful. In some ways feeling down is an appropriate response to things like the Trump-induced cruelty and chaos, climate change, war, and all the other nastiness humans are inflicting on each other right now. The eminent psychologist Professor Paul Gilbert, who is the founder of compassion-focused therapy and one of my most important teachers, says it’s more helpful to think about depressions, rather than depression. There are so many reasons we can become depressed, like reading too much scary news, or worrying about having a habitable planet for ourselves and our kids; physical health problems including chronic pain or debilitating illnesses; suffering a bereavement, divorce or heartbreaking end of a relationship; hormonal changes such as women’s menstrual cycles, the different stages of menopause and men’s declining testosterone as they age; psychological difficulties such as having a trauma history, being highly self-critical or prone to rumination; negative core beliefs like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I am worthless’; living in poverty or being trapped in an abusive relationship; abusing drugs and alcohol… the list of possible causes is a long one. Depression through an IFS lens Viewed through an internal family systems (IFS) lens, rather than thinking, I am depressed, we change the language slightly to, A part of me is depressed. It’s a small but significant tweak, because if all of me is depressed, I might feel powerless and hopeless (a common symptom of depression) about lifting myself out of that dark place. But if I realise that there is just one part, the Depressed Part, who is struggling right now, in IFS terminology I can unblend from that part. So there is a part who is struggling and me – wise, compassionate, adult me – who can soothe and reassure my depressed part. It’s such an empowering shift – and is one of the reasons my down days don’t slide into serious depression – because it speaks to our resilience, our strength, our inner wealth of healing resources, not just what’s wrong with us at that moment. So if you are struggling right now, even if it’s a lovely sunny day outside, please give yourself a break. You are certainly not alone – millions of people around the world are struggling with depression as I type these words. You are not weak, worthless, pathetic or any of the other horrible words you may use to describe yourself, as that harsh voice in your head berates you. You are a miraculous, multifaceted, unique living organism with both strengths and weaknesses, like the other eight billion human organisms on this planet. Depression is a natural part of the human condition, especially if you have experienced trauma. But there is so much you can do to heal, to lift yourself out of this slump and emerge into the light. That’s why I recorded my most recent Insight Timer practice, Easing Your Depression: IFS Meditation, which people seem to find really helpful. I hope you do too – just click on the button below to listen now. And if you are struggling right now, sending you love and strength from my heart to yours. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/being-yelled-at-in-childhood-causes-wounds-but-they-can-be-healed</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/589b12468419c22a6dc74e65/11761320-b600-4875-aaa1-ae433d19bee0/Sad+child+1+-+image.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Being Yelled at in Childhood Causes Wounds, But They Can Be Healed - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Did your parents often yell at you as a child? Did they make you feel small, scared, hurt or humiliated? If so, these painful early experiences may well have caused lasting wounds. As a trauma therapist, I see the impact of verbal abuse like this every day. Children are highly sensitive beings, without the layers of mental and emotional armour adults have built up over a lifetime. They also tend to believe what grownups say – especially if those grownups are the caregivers whose job it is to keep them safe. I was struck by a story in today’s Guardian, in which child-development experts are due to meet with MPs today to explain how damaging verbal abuse is to children. In the meeting, they will present research on the way that persistent yelling, name-calling, harsh criticism and other kinds of verbal abuse actually change the structure of children’s brains. Both the threat and reward systems are altered, making it harder for those kids to feel pleasure and form friendships, as well as making them perceive the world as a more dangerous and hostile place. This is all heartbreaking, but sadly does not surprise me, because research consistently shows any kind of abuse, whether it’s verbal, physical or sexual, as well as neglect, such as the lack of love, kindness and support, profoundly affects children. I have long been a fierce opponent of physical punishment, such as smacking, because this can cause profound emotional and behavioural problems for kids. Apart from the pain and suffering it causes, I often think that modelling solving problems with violence is not exactly the best lesson to teach kids! Like smacking, yelling at children has long been minimised or justified in the name of ‘discipline’. But the science clearly tells a different story – both are harmful and have no place in a modern, humane society. How constant yelling might have affected you If you did experience verbal abuse during childhood I am so sorry – no child deserves to be treated that way. You may now be struggling with the consequences, such as problems with anxiety, depression or low self-esteem. Viewed through an internal family systems (IFS) lens, you might have hurt young parts living inside, carrying all the pain and negative self-beliefs caused by the yelling. These parts of you might think things like ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘I am bad and unlovable’, or ‘I always mess everything up.’ None of these things are true. They are just stories your inner boy or girl has been telling themselves, over and over, until they feel like The Truth. You will also have a bunch of protective parts that sprang up to minimise the damage at the time, and ward off similar attacks in the present. These parts might engage in people pleasing, conflict avoidance, perfectionism, hypervigilance, detachment and dissociation, harsh self-criticism, spikiness, passive aggression, or a whole host of other strategies to keep these vulnerable inner kids safe. If any of this is resonating with you, I recommend seeking out a skilled, trauma-informed therapist to help you heal both the hurt kids and their protective parts. This will help you see the world in a less threat-focused light, navigate relationships with greater ease, feel a little calmer and safer in your body, develop increased self-worth and change those negative beliefs to more helpful ones, like ‘I am human, with strengths and weaknesses, like everybody else,’ or ‘I am a perfectly likeable and lovable person’. If you would like to learn more about IFS, you might enjoy my 90-minute webinar, Trauma Healing with Internal Family Systems, which you can watch for just £10 in my online store – just click the button below. And if this is not affordable for you, please contact us for a scholarship coupon to watch the webinar for free. I hope you find it helpful – and that you have a wonderful day. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/warm-loving-relationships-are-the-key-to-a-happy-life</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Dan's Blog - What is the Key to a Happy Life? This Study Has the Answer - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>If you had to pick one thing that would improve the quality of your life, what would it be? More money, perhaps. A bigger home for you and your family. A better job, with more meaning, status or respect. Being able to live a life which is more aligned with your values. More holidays. Improved sleep. A healthier diet. Regular exercise. The list of possibilities is endless. But what if I told you that there was one, scientifically validated thing, that has been proven to improve the quality of people’s lives. And that this thing, although it’s not easy to achieve, is at least achievable for us all. It’s free. And opportunities to enjoy it are in plentiful supply. Would you be interested? I thought so. But before the big reveal, a little background on one of the key studies to offer up this life-changing wisdom. Regular readers will know that I have spoken of this study before, but it’s worth revisiting because it offers such a remarkable, deep dive into what it means to be human, and to live a flourishing life. It’s called the Harvard Study of Adult Development and is the longest in-depth longitudinal study of human life ever done. The Study began in 1938 and, remarkably, it’s still going strong almost 90 years later. There were originally 724 participants (268 sophomores at Harvard University and 456 inner-city Boston boys from tough neighbourhoods), but it has expanded to include the men’s wives and 1,300 of their descendants. In what was, at the time, a bold move, the Study sought not to understand what made people ill, but what made them thrive – the secret ingredients to a happy life. And what is so fascinating is that it has studied the 724 men in such depth, gaining granular detail of every aspect of their lives, with regular – and very long – questionnaires about their physical and mental health, work lives, friendships, marriages, parenting style, how they cope with adversity and much, much more. Some of the men opened up their entire lives, from adolescence until their final days. If you would like to read about it, I strongly recommend The Good Life and How to Live it: Lessons from the World’s Longest Study on Happiness, by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz (the Study’s current director and associate director). It’s a lovely, warm, inspiring book full of stories about the men, and later women, who let researchers into every aspect of their lives. So what is the magic ingredient? Well, it’s simple – warm, loving relationships. More than any other factor, whether that be genetic inheritance, class, level of income, diet or material possessions, maintaining warm relationships was the clear finding of this and other longitudinal studies. It was far and away the best predictor of a happy, meaningful and flourishing life. Fulfilling relationships are not easy I have been re-reading this wonderful book as I enter the final stretch of writing my own self-help book, on healing childhood trauma. Chapter Ten (the final chapter!) is all about post-traumatic growth, so I am devouring books about how to find happiness after crises or adversity. And this is another key strand of The Good Life, because the authors make clear finding happy relationships is not easy. It takes work, dedication and commitment. Many of the Study participants have been through terrible tragedies and transformative traumas. A number of the men fought in World War Two and so would have seen and experienced things no human should ever have to go through. But the relationships they returned to after the war – their birth family, friends, partners and children – helped mitigate the horrors they had experienced. And this is one of the lessons we can all learn. Many of us have been through traumatic events in our lives. Some not too severe, some truly awful. And these events cause wounds (in fact the original meaning of trauma, in Ancient Greek, is ‘wound’). And many of us struggle to form secure, nourishing, supportive relationships. Sadly, the two problems are often related. But, as I am always saying in these posts, we can always heal, whatever we have been through and however deep our wounds. It’s also true that we can always improve the quality of our relationships, if we make them a priority and put the work in. You may need help with that, from a trauma-informed therapist, but it’s still possible for us all. I hope that helps – and do read this wonderful book, you won’t regret it. Also, I have just recorded a new breathwork practice for Insight Timer you may enjoy. It’s called Five-Finger Breathing and is a lovely, simple practice that will help you feel calmer and more at peace, so do give it a try. Just click on the button below to listen now. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/did-you-experience-small-t-trauma-as-a-child</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/589b12468419c22a6dc74e65/1741782319239-NLH9XRTY55U90IEXU8NQ/unsplash-image-8SoPhl6tMlM.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Dan's Blog - Did you experience Small t trauma as a child? - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Trauma is one of those terms which is often misused and misunderstood, especially on social media. In a way, it’s good that we are now talking about trauma much more openly – this is definitely a step in the right direction. But in our information-saturated world, we are also in danger of absorbing misleading information from convincing-sounding people on the internet. So, what actually is trauma? This is a question I have spent the past year deeply engrossed in, as I write my new self-help book on healing from childhood trauma. One of the most useful definitions I have explored comes from Dr Francine Shapiro, founder of EMDR therapy. She distinguishes between Big T traumas like being in a serious car accident, a house fire, experiencing a natural disaster or a violent assault. And small t traumas, which are less-severe experiences that nonetheless are traumatic, especially for kids with their highly sensitive, still-developing nervous system, mind, brain and body. Small t traumas include: Being bullied at school, or in your family Growing up in poverty, or experiencing other kids of physical neglect Having one or more parents abusing substances, or with severe mental-health problems Being physically disciplined, at home or school Growing up in a a high-conflict home, with lots of fighting and yelling Being sent to boarding school, especially at a young age Experiencing repeated discrimination like racism, homophobia, sexism or transphobia Being neurodivergent in a culture/education system designed for neurotypical folks Being shamed by your parents on a repeated basis – made to feel you are not good enough or unlovable in some way Having to move home/school repeatedly throughout your childhood These experiences, though clearly milder than being injured in a nasty car accident, are nevertheless wounding for a sensitive little kid. If you had to endure any of these in your childhood I’m sorry – you may well be dealing with the legacy of those small t traumas in your life now. And this is a key idea in understanding trauma – that experiences which have a transformative, long-lasting impact are traumatic for us. They are also overwhelming at the time, cause us a great deal of stress and affect the functioning of our nervous system, as well as other systems in the body. So experiences like being fired from a job, or having your heart broken, however painful they may be, are not traumatic if that pain eventually subsides and you are able to carry on with your life. Trauma gets stuck, in your mind-body system. And it’s hard to overcome, often requiring the help of a skilled, trauma-informed therapist. But, as I am always writing in these posts, it absolutely can be overcome, however bad it is, because we have such a deep understanding now of trauma and how to treat it. That’s why I always teach that It’s never too much and never too late to heal. And I 100% believe this because as a trauma therapist I see people make incredible changes every day, even if they endured horrible things in childhood. Like all wounds, traumatic ones can be healed, with enough love, support and wise guidance. I hope that helps – and do check out my new range of meditations below, all of which are designed to help with your trauma-healing process. Love, Dan ❤️</image:caption>
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    <lastmod>2025-05-19</lastmod>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-to-stay-hopeful-in-difficult-times</loc>
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    <lastmod>2025-03-13</lastmod>
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    <loc>https://www.danroberts.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-heavy-burdens-you-carry-from-childhood</loc>
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