Why Can We Feel Down on a Beautiful Sunny Day?
I struggled with depression for many years, so I understand only too well how hard it can be. And I remember, on a gloomy January day, thinking that low mood made sense – if it’s cold, dark and a bit bleak, it’s hard to feel too sunny inside. But I also remember getting really depressed on the most warm, beautiful, sunny days. That always felt so much worse, because I would be in the park and looking around at all the happy, smiley people thinking, What the hell is wrong with me? Everyone is so happy – why can’t I be like them?
Thankfully, after many (many!) years of therapy, meditation and learning all about beneficial mind states like self-compassion, I no longer get depressed. My mood fluctuates, of course, but that’s normal. I have down days and times where my mood seems more upbeat, but that is part of living a human life. And, honestly, one look at the news right now and it’s hard to feel too cheerful. In some ways feeling down is an appropriate response to things like the Trump-induced cruelty and chaos, climate change, war, and all the other nastiness humans are inflicting on each other right now.
The eminent psychologist Professor Paul Gilbert, who is the founder of compassion-focused therapy and one of my most important teachers, says it’s more helpful to think about depressions, rather than depression. There are so many reasons we can become depressed, like reading too much scary news, or worrying about having a habitable planet for ourselves and our kids; physical health problems including chronic pain or debilitating illnesses; suffering a bereavement, divorce or heartbreaking end of a relationship; hormonal changes such as women’s menstrual cycles, the different stages of menopause and men’s declining testosterone as they age; psychological difficulties such as having a trauma history, being highly self-critical or prone to rumination; negative core beliefs like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I am worthless’; living in poverty or being trapped in an abusive relationship; abusing drugs and alcohol… the list of possible causes is a long one.
Depression through an IFS lens
Viewed through an internal family systems (IFS) lens, rather than thinking, I am depressed, we change the language slightly to, A part of me is depressed. It’s a small but significant tweak, because if all of me is depressed, I might feel powerless and hopeless (a common symptom of depression) about lifting myself out of that dark place. But if I realise that there is just one part, the Depressed Part, who is struggling right now, in IFS terminology I can unblend from that part. So there is a part who is struggling and me – wise, compassionate, adult me – who can soothe and reassure my depressed part. It’s such an empowering shift – and is one of the reasons my down days don’t slide into serious depression – because it speaks to our resilience, our strength, our inner wealth of healing resources, not just what’s wrong with us at that moment.
So if you are struggling right now, even if it’s a lovely sunny day outside, please give yourself a break. You are certainly not alone – millions of people around the world are struggling with depression as I type these words. You are not weak, worthless, pathetic or any of the other horrible words you may use to describe yourself, as that harsh voice in your head berates you. You are a miraculous, multifaceted, unique living organism with both strengths and weaknesses, like the other eight billion human organisms on this planet. Depression is a natural part of the human condition, especially if you have experienced trauma.
But there is so much you can do to heal, to lift yourself out of this slump and emerge into the light. That’s why I recorded my most recent Insight Timer practice, Easing Your Depression: IFS Meditation, which people seem to find really helpful. I hope you do too – just click on the button below to listen now.
And if you are struggling right now, sending you love and strength from my heart to yours.
Love,
Dan ❤️