Trauma therapy

Have You Tried My New Insight Timer Course Yet?

Image by Wes Hicks

Have you listened to my new Premium Audio Course for Insight Timer yet – Healing from Childhood Trauma with IFS & Self-Compassion? Over 600 students have already taken the course and found it powerful and healing, giving it five-star reviews and consistently positive feedback.

If you sign up today you will learn about child development, temperament, core developmental needs, schemas and the IFS model of internal parts, how to work with your Inner Critic, what we mean by childhood trauma and neglect – as well as how to heal from these painful experiences using powerful techniques drawn from schema therapy, compassion-focused therapy, mindful self-compassion and internal family systems.

The course is free if you become a Member Plus Supporter. This costs just $60 for 12 months of high-quality content like this on the Insight Timer app from me and thousands of other leading teachers.

Try it now by clicking on the button below. I hope you enjoy it!

Love ❤️

Dan

 
 

Book Your Place Now – Dan Roberts' Webinars and Workshops for 2023

Image by Tobias Reich

If you are interested in coming to one of my Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops, I have just released a full calendar of events for 2023. Bookings for all events are open now, so do visit the calendar page on my Heal Your Trauma website to reserve your place now. Many of these events sell out quickly, so do book your place early to avoid missing out.

We have webinars and workshops running almost every month, on a wide range of subjects to help you with your mental health and wellbeing. My workshops are all in-person next year, as I very much enjoy being with you ‘in real life’ – these will be held either at the Gestalt Centre, in central London, or Terapia, in north London. Highlights include:

If you are unable to travel to the workshops, we have a wide range of webinars planned for you, which are hosted via Zoom. Online highlights include:

All Heal Your Trauma events offer a number of free places, for those struggling financially for any reason, as well as Low-Income Ticket and Supporter Ticket options, if you are able to support the project. Heal Your Trauma is a non-profit project, so every penny we receive, after covering expenses, goes into making sure that everyone, everywhere can access all of our content.

I am excited about our upcoming programme for 2023 – and very much look forward to meeting you at a Heal Your Trauma event soon!

Sending you love and warm wishes,

Dan

 
 

Don’t Miss Our Overcoming Addiction Workshop in London – 26th November 2022

If you struggle with addiction or compulsive behaviours, book your place on a one-day, in-person workshop co-presented by Dan Roberts, Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Founder of Heal Your Trauma and Claire van den Bosch, UKCP-accredited Psychotherapist and an expert on treating addiction. Overcoming Addiction: Heal Your Pain and Escape the Addictive Cycle is the latest in a series of regular Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops throughout 2022. 

This event, which will be both highly informative and experiential, will take place from 10.30am-4.30pm on Saturday 26th November 2022. It will be held at The Gestalt Centre, near King’s Cross in Central London. The Gestalt Centre is easily reached by bus, Tube or mainline rail, being a 10-minute walk from King’s Cross Station.

This event is booking up fast, so don’t miss this chance to learn from two leading trauma therapists and experts on mental health, wellbeing and addiction – watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Come to My Overcoming Addiction Workshop in London on 26th November 2022

 

How Can Trauma-Focused CBT Help You Overcome Trauma Symptoms?

PTSD is estimated to affect one in three people after a traumatic event. If you are struggling with trauma symptoms it can be useful to begin considering your support options. There are many different therapies available to support trauma and one of those is Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or TF-CBT for short, but what is this type of therapy, and what does it involve? 

Psychologists Ehlers and Clark (2000), in their Cognitive Model of PTSD, propose that there are certain factors that keep the vicious cycle of trauma going, and these factors essentially prevent the trauma memory/memories from being processed. These factors include:

  1. Poorly elaborated memory of the trauma and that the memory has not been contextualised (the memory does not equal the situation within which it existed or happened).

  2. Excessive negative beliefs and meanings attached to the trauma memory.

  3. Behavioural and cognitive strategies. Cognitive strategies include pushing thoughts away (suppression) and dwelling on events (rumination). Behavioural strategies may include withdrawing socially, avoiding internal and external reminders of the event/s, little or no engagement in previous hobbies or interests, use of drugs and alcohol. There can be many more strategies people may use, we recognise every individual has different coping strategies to try to minimise or eliminate their suffering.

Goals in Trauma-Focused CBT

Therefore together our goals in TF-CBT are to:

  1. Reduce flashbacks and nightmares by opening up the memory and being able to discriminate with reminders of the trauma what is then (at the time of the trauma) and what is now (in the present moment). We may recall the memory spoken out loud or by use of writing in session using the present tense. Some people may revisit the site of trauma in this part of the work to aid adding context to the trauma memory.

  2. Modify excessive negative beliefs of the trauma, changing perspectives to create new more helpful beliefs. For example ‘it was my fault X happened’ becomes ‘it was not my fault X happened’ we may develop a more compassionate response towards the self. In therapy we may do this through careful and gentle questioning to explore different perspectives. We then incorporate the more helpful belief into the trauma memory.

  3. Remove unhelpful behavioural and cognitive strategies that maintain intrusions and the current sense of threat and danger. We may do this in therapy by exploring the advantages and disadvantages of each strategy both in the short and long term.

As we come towards the end of treatment we often hear people we support reporting a reduction or ceasing of intrusions, a decreased sense of danger in the present moment and an improvement in mood as the person begins regaining and rebuilding their life after after the traumatic event/s.

Please see the video below if you would like to learn more about the different stages of the therapeutic journey when we work with trauma using TF-CBT. 

Emma McDonald, CBT & EMDR Therapist

•If you are looking for a Trauma Focused-CBT specialist we have a team of therapists who can offer this support face to face or online – further information can be found on our website www.thepsychotherapyclinic.co.uk

 
 

Watch Dan's Interview About Trauma Healing for AntiLoneliness

I was recently honoured to be invited for an interview with Vassia Sarantopoulou, Founder and Head Psychologist of AntiLoneliness (antiloneliness.com).

In the course of our highly engaging, one-hour interview we discussed many issues related to trauma, including:

  • Can we heal from trauma?

  • What is the difference between trauma and complex trauma?

  • How has this pandemic been a traumatic experience for many?

  • What's a holistic approach to healing?

  • How do our everyday habits add to trauma?

  • Breathing and meditation: how they help with healing

Do watch the interview below, or by visiting the AntiLoneliness YouTube channel – if you have a trauma history, I very much hope you find it helpful.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 
 
 

Healing Your Inner Child

The idea that we have an inner child, who carries all the hurt, trauma and painful memories from our past, is not a new one one in psychotherapy. But all of the newest, trauma-informed models have a particular way of thinking about this young, vulnerable part of us. In schema therapy, this young part is called the Vulnerable Child – and is the main focus of therapy, because the idea is if we can heal this part then he or she (and so, of course, you) feels calmer, happier, stronger and more at peace.

In internal family systems (IFS) therapy, there is also a strong emphasis on working with this part of you. The main difference is that, in IFS, there isn’t just one inner child, but many. So you might have a three-year-old part, a five-year-old, a seven-year-old, and so on. And this makes sense to me, because these parts of you hold all the painful memories, feelings, thoughts, body sensations and experiences of you at the age of three, five or seven.

If we just had one inner child, then they would have to hold memories of being, say, three, 12 and 17 – ages at which we are completely different in terms of brain development, personality, ways of thinking and feeling. It just doesn’t really make sense. Far more persuasive to me, based on all the theory and my own experience of working with hundreds of people over the years, is that we have many inner children, not all of whom need help, but some definitely do.

What is a part?

This leads to an important question – what exactly do we mean by a ‘part’? In some ways, this depends on the therapy model you believe best represents our inner world. Various models have different ways of answering this question (and all think theirs is the right answer!). But let’s go with the IFS model for now, as it’s one of my favourites – and I like their answer best. Dick Schwartz, founder of IFS, says that a part is a neural network in the brain, holding all of the thoughts, memories, etc that we did at the part’s age.

Dick argues that this is how the brain creates what we perceive of as our self (or many selves). If you experienced trauma in your childhood, this is also how your brain helps you deal with that trauma. It creates one or more parts to hold those traumatic memories (called ‘exiles’). And then various parts whose job it is to keep those memories buried deep in your unconscious, so you don’t have to think about them all the time (called ‘protectors’) and can function in your day-to-day life.

Healing young parts

There are many ways to heal these young, traumatised parts of you. One way is through the relationship between you and your therapist – this is a crucial attachment relationship and will help those little kids inside you feel safe, understood and cared for. You may never have experienced this as a child, so it can be deeply healing to have those experiences in the context of a therapeutic relationship.

In IFS (and schema therapy), using imagery is also integral for the healing process. Many IFS sessions are spent ‘going inside’ – closing your eyes and imagining speaking to your parts, often through imagery, where you visualise them and engage in all sorts of powerful, healing techniques and interactions with them.

Developing self-kindness and self-compassion is also fundamental in trauma recovery. This can be tough, especially for trauma survivors, but is always possible, with the right support and problem-solving. You may find my guided meditations on Insight Timer helpful for this, or try Kristin Neff’s practices on the same app, which are fantastic. And the self we are being kind and compassionate to is usually a young one, so this is calming, soothing and restorative for them, too.

I will be writing a lot more about healing your inner child in these blog posts, as well as teaching about them in my Heal Your Trauma webinars, so I hope all of that proves helpful for you.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Why You Keep Falling in the Same Hole – and How to Stop

Image by Ian Taylor

My first counselling training began almost 30 years ago – way back in 1994. Although I was very young (probably a bit too young, in hindsight), I absolutely loved it. The three-year training, in Psychosynthesis – a humanistic/transpersonal model – was so stimulating and exciting. I had never experienced anything like it.

And I remember one of the trainers reading a poem to us and then using it as a metaphor for therapy, which has stuck with me ever since – I recently tracked it down and learned that it was Portia Nelson’s There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery. I have used this poem/metaphor with hundreds of my clients, so think you will find it helpful. Here’s how it goes.

Part 1: Falling in the hole

Imagine that you’re walking down a road on a lovely sunny day. You feel fine and are enjoying your walk, not heading anywhere special, just ambling down the road. Then, bang. Without warning, you fall into a huge hole in the road.

You lie there, bruised and winded at the bottom of the hole, thinking to yourself, ‘What the hell was that? Where did that stupid hole come from?’

Eventually you manage to climb out of the hole and go on your way, shaken, sore and confused.

Part 2: Falling in the same hole

Months go by. You walk down the same road every day. And every single day you fall into the same damn hole. It’s like Groundhog Day – you never see it coming and it always takes you by complete surprise. You start really hating that hole…

Part 3: seeing the hole but still falling in

Eventually, something changes. Now when you walk down that road, you realise that the hole is there. You even see it as you walk towards it, but – and this is the most maddening bit – you still fall in! And when you find yourself, battered and bruised at the bottom of the hole, you think to yourself, ‘This is making me crazy now! How can I see the stupid hole but still fall in every time? Argh! So annoying!’

Part 4: Hole-enlightenment day

This goes on for way too long. You now hate the hole with a deep and abiding passion. Until, one day, something miraculous happens. On this special day, you walk down the usual road. You see the hole coming. You walk closer. And closer. And closer. Until, just as you’re about to fall in again, you think to yourself. ‘Wait a damn minute. I know you, hole! And do you know what? I have had enough of the falling. And the bruising. And the being shaken.’

So you do something quietly wonderful. You see the hole, decide to walk around it, then do just that. On you go with your journey, feeling deep-down-in-your-bones happy and proud of yourself.

So what does all that mean?

Here’s why I have told that story hundreds of times over the years. It’s because this is how the therapy process – and any kind of personal growth – works. At first, you get triggered by things you don’t even know are there, or are triggers, or even what a trigger is! So of course you keep falling in the same wretched holes, because you don’t know they exist.

Your holes might be the same as mine, or they might be different. So one of my holes/triggers is narcissistic people, especially men. People with this kind of personality can often be harshly critical, or demeaning, or shut you down rudely and insensitively. And one of my family members did that to me a lot as a child. So just being around a person like this is triggering for my young, hurt parts – because they expect to be hurt again.

It took me a long time (and a lot of therapy) to learn this, but now I know that this is one of my holes so I – mostly – manage not to fall in.

Achieving hole-enlightenment

Of course, the oh-so-glorious day is the one where you see the hole but manage not to fall in this time, instead walking around it and carrying on, with a huge smile on your face. But that takes time. It takes a lot of learning. A great deal of compassionate support. And all of this is especially true if you have a trauma history because, sadly, you will have more holes than most people, they will be bigger and deeper, and it will be even harder to learn not to fall in.

But, as I am always explaining in these posts, just because it’s harder for you doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I passionately believe that everyone can heal, including you. That’s because we have a range of life-changing, trauma-informed therapies at our disposal now, as well as a wealth of knowledge about the mind, brain, body and nervous system, what happens to them during trauma – and, crucially, how to heal those wounds.

If you would like to know more about all of this, start by reading my website and Heal Your Trauma Blog, which contains a huge amount of information about trauma and mental health in general. You could also come along to my first Heal Your Trauma webinar, What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed?, on Saturday 26th February, 2022. You can book your place, for just £49, using the button below.

I hope to see you there – and good luck with those holes!

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

What is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

Image by Thomas Koukas

If you have a trauma history and are looking for a therapist to help, it can be bewildering. There are so many counsellors and therapists out there, offering a smorgasbord of therapy models, each claiming to be the best. As a specialist in treating complex trauma, I would advise you to find someone who knows what they’re talking about – ask them whether they have trained in trauma therapy and exactly how they would help you with your trauma history. If they don’t have a convincing answer, please find someone else.

I would also recommend finding a trauma-informed therapy, such as EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, compassion-focused therapy, sensorimotor psychotherapy, somatic experiencing therapy, schema therapy or internal family systems (IFS) therapy. As an Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Internal Family Systems-Trained Therapist, I specialise in these two approaches, which are both excellent, trauma-informed therapy models.

In this post I would like to focus on the last one, IFS, because it offers a wonderful way to heal your trauma, whatever you might have been through and however bad your symptoms are today. IFS was developed by Dr Richard Schwartz in the 1980s and, unlike most therapy models, emerged from the things his clients were telling him. Dick (as he likes to be called) Schwartz tells the story of his clients saying, over and over, ‘A part of me wants to date this guy but another part really doesn’t like him,’ or, ’Part of me wants to binge-eat cake, but a big part of me knows that’s not a good idea.’

We all have parts

Dick came to realise that his clients were giving him a glimpse into their internal world – and the many different parts of them who lived there. This idea, ‘multiplicity of self’, is at the heart of IFS. Because even though we feel like we’re just us – I am Dan, or you are Carol – that’s not how the brain constructs our personality. Instead, we all have different parts, who think differently, want different things and often have conflicting impulses. (Date the guy/don’t date the guy; binge/don’t binge).

This isn’t weird, or the sign of deep psychological issues, it’s just how we all are. And in the IFS model, we have two different kinds of parts: exiles and protectors. Exiles are the (usually) young, wounded parts of us, who carry all the painful thoughts, memories, feelings and experiences from key times in our life. They are called exiles because they are often exiled in your internal system – meaning shut away, because their feelings are deemed too powerful and overwhelming for us.

Managers and firefighters

And the parts that shut them away are called protectors – they help protect those young parts from being hurt, but also keep them shut away so they don’t overwhelm you. And there are two types of protector: managers and firefighters. Managers do a job, like be perfectionistic, worry obsessively or people-please. Their job is to be proactive – anticipating threats or painful triggers to help you avoid them.

Firefighters are reactive. So the part that drinks, or binge-eats, or cuts, or smokes weed, or gambles is a firefighter. They use any tactic available to quickly extinguish the pain felt by young, wounded parts.

Who you are, deep down

Finally, we all have a Self. This is not a part, but you, deep down – a good metaphor is the sun (Self) behind the clouds (parts). Always there, but sometimes obscured by activated parts, thinking, feeling and doing stuff frantically all the time.

So the goal of IFS therapy is to find and heal the exiles; free the protectors from their tiring, stressful jobs; and help you access ‘Self-energy’ so you can feel calmer, stronger, happier and more at peace.

I use IFS with all my clients and they love it. There is something about the model and this way of working that just resonates with people on a deep level. And it works! Even with the most stubborn, hard-to-treat problems like complex trauma.

I will be writing more about this and other models in this Heal Your Trauma Blog – and you can sign up for the HYT newsletter below, to make sure you never miss a post or one of our events.

I really hope that helps – and wishing you strength, courage and perseverance on your healing journey.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Book Your Place on the First Heal Your Trauma Webinar

If you have a trauma history, or care about someone who does, book your place on a live, two-hour Zoom webinar with Dan Roberts, Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor and Founder of Heal Your Trauma. What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? is the first of a series of regular webinars presented by Dan Roberts throughout 2022.

This event, which will be both highly informative and experiential, will take place from 3-5pm on Saturday 26th February 2022 and costs just £49 to attend live, as well as gaining exclusive access to a video of the event, to watch whenever you like.

What is Trauma and Can it Be Healed? features two hours of teaching and powerful exercises that will help you feel calmer and more relaxed, presented by Dan Roberts, a leading expert on trauma and mental health.

In this powerful, highly experiential webinar you will learn:

  • Why a wide range of events can be traumatising for us, especially when we are young

  • Why trauma describes both the traumatic event and its impact on the mind, brain and body

  • Why it’s crucial to understand the role of the nervous system, which is often ‘dysregulated’ in trauma survivors and needs help to come back into a regulated, calm state

  • Powerful practices to help you feel calmer and more at peace, including one of the most effective and fast-acting breathing techniques available

  • Why it’s essential to find a trauma-informed therapist; and why standard counselling and psychotherapy can be unhelpful for trauma survivors

  • The importance of kindness and compassion for yourself and others – and how to generate these powerful, deeply healing ways of thinking and feeling, even if you have found this difficult throughout your life

Don’t miss this chance to learn from a leading trauma therapist and expert on mental health and wellbeing – watch the video for more information and book your place now using the button below.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Can Your Trauma Really Be Healed?

Image by Roberta Sorge

In the UK alone, we know that millions of people have experienced some kind of trauma in their lives. I think about trauma as being on a spectrum, from mild at one end to severe at the other. So for many of these people, the trauma they experienced is probably at the milder end of the spectrum. This doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful, of course, or that it doesn’t have an effect on their daily life now. But they are still able to function, be mums and dads, have jobs and friends and do all the normal stuff of life.

If your experiences were more severe, then I’m afraid the impact on you will also be much worse. The thoughts, beliefs, emotions and physical symptoms you experience might be so intense that it’s hard to live a normal, enjoyable life. If this is true for you, I am deeply sorry – whatever you experienced was categorically not your fault, so it’s completely unfair that it is affecting you so much today.

It’s never too much and never too late

But whether your experiences were milder, more severe, or somewhere in the middle, I passionately believe that all trauma can be healed. And this belief sustains me in all that I do, from founding my Heal Your Trauma project, to writing blog posts like this, teaching webinars and workshops, recording guided meditations and in my day-to-day clinical work with clients, most of whom come to see me precisely because they have a trauma history.

Something I often tell my clients – and a useful mantra if you have a trauma history – is that it’s never too much and never too late to be healed. Whatever you have been through, whether it happened once or many times; however bad it was; and however long you have been living with the impact of those events. We now have a whole range of cutting-edge, evidence-based therapies that are proven to help.

Alongside trauma-informed therapies such as schema therapy, internal family systems therapy, EMDR, trauma-focused CBT, compassion-focused therapy and sensorimotor psychotherapy, we also have a whole range of techniques and strategies that are research-backed to help with your healing process. Some of these are thousands of years old, but have been adapted to help with the specific problems that trauma survivors face, such as trauma-informed yoga and trauma-sensitive mindfulness.

Breathing yourself better

Breathing techniques can also be incredibly powerful and helpful for reducing stress and anxiety, as well as soothing and stabilising dysregulated nervous systems (one of the hallmarks of trauma). I teach a few of these techniques to my clients, in webinars and on the Insight Timer app, such as Compassionate Breathing and Box Breathing. Again, some of these techniques (such as pranayama breathing) have been around for thousands of years, but we are incorporating them into evidence-based Western psychology and finding them highly effective and helpful for hard-to-treat problems like trauma.

It’s important to note that, especially if your experiences were up the higher end of that spectrum, you will definitely need the help of a kind, skilled, trauma-informed therapist. Programmes like Heal Your Trauma will be helpful, but cannot replace the systematic, step-by-step healing of warm, compassionate, effective psychotherapy. But attending webinars and workshops like mine, reading self-help books, meditating, listening to podcasts, doing yoga and other exercise you enjoy, having a loving partner, supportive friends and meaningful work is all part of your healing journey.

And I will do all I can to help – starting with the first of my bi-monthly Heal Your Trauma webinars on Saturday 26th February, from 3-5pm, which you can find out about in the video and book using the button below. I hope to see you there.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Completing My Level 1 Training in Internal Family Systems Therapy

I am very pleased and proud to have completed my Level 1 training in internal family systems therapy – I’m now an Internal Family Systems-Trained Therapist. It's been an intense, but hugely rewarding four months. I absolutely love this model and have integrated it with my other training to help my clients, most of whom are struggling with complex trauma.

I will, I think, always be training as long as I am a psychotherapist. And I’m always looking for cutting-edge, trauma-informed therapies to be able to help my clients with their often complex problems.

IFS is widely regarded as one of the most effective treatments for complex trauma, as working with both wounded young parts and their protectors is key to healing the wounds caused by a trauma history. I will be integrating IFS theories and techniques into my Heal Your Trauma webinars and workshops, as well as adding IFS guided meditations to my collection on Insight Timer.

Warm wishes,

Dan

Healing from Trauma is a Process – Give it Time

Image by Jeremy Bishop

Image by Jeremy Bishop

There are many things I find myself repeating, over and over, to my clients. Near the top of my list of oft-repeated phrases is, ‘I’m afraid there is no quick fix. Healing from trauma is a process and takes as long as it needs to.’

Of course, I understand that if you are suffering – whether that’s with depression, daily stress and anxiety, or any other painful feelings – you want that suffering to end, as quickly as possible. It’s only human to want that – if I have a headache, I take painkillers because I want to get rid of the pain as soon as I can. Nobody likes to be in pain and we are all hard-wired to avoid it, or try to reduce it in any way we can.

It’s just that, especially with long-term, deep-rooted psychological problems, healing from them cannot be rushed and takes time. That is even more true of trauma-related issues, which can affect every part of you – your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, cardiovascular, immune, nervous, musculoskeletal and hormonal systems, as well as the internal system of parts that live inside your mind.

No quick fix

Perhaps the closest things we have to quick fixes in psychology are medications like antidepressants and short-term therapies such as cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), so let’s think about these options first. Starting with medication, it’s important to understand that for some people it can be extremely helpful, but can take a long time to start working and doesn’t help everyone.

If you are really struggling, especially with depression, by all means try antidepressants and see if they help – they can also work well combined with various forms of talking therapy. But they can only ever offer symptom-relief, so – especially if you have a trauma history – they will never get to the root of your problems, because they are not designed to do that.

(It’s important to note here that, if you are taking medication, you should never stop taking it without consulting your GP or psychiatrist, as this can cause serious problems).

CBT is an excellent form of therapy that works incredibly well for all sorts of problems. I would say it’s especially good at treating fairly recent or short-term problems, or specific problems like phobias and other anxiety disorders. But again, the standard CBT model was never designed for long-term, deep-rooted problems like complex trauma. It might help with the cognitive, emotional and behavioural symptoms caused by those problems, but it won’t address your underlying issues.

The start of my journey

I realised recently that I went for my first-ever counselling session in 1992, to help me deal with the sudden and traumatic loss of my father – so I have been on my healing journey for almost 30 years! I had never really thought about going to therapy before that – and had certainly never imagined training as a counsellor or psychotherapist. But that first experience, of being helped through my grief by a kind, warm and deeply empathic person, opened my eyes to the healing potential of therapy.

This led me to my first counselling training, in a transpersonal therapy called Psychosysnthesis and – despite a winding road that led me first into journalism, before returning to the therapy world and restarting my training – it is a path I have been walking every since.

In that time I have experienced all sorts of therapy, both as client and professional, have found deep solace in a daily meditation practice, learned a great deal about the mind, brain and body, and both what harms and heals this exquisitely complex system. I now have a healthy diet, try to get plenty of sleep, don’t drink much, am lucky enough to have a loving, supportive wife and to have found work that I am passionate about and is deeply meaningful for me.

Healing is a lifelong process

But it took me most of my 53 years on this planet to get here – and I will be doing all of these helpful things, as well as learning, growing, changing and healing every day for the rest of my life. So, another thing I tell my clients (who must get fed up of hearing it!) is that healing doesn’t begin and end with a course of therapy, whether that’s CBT, schema therapy, internal family systems, or any of the many wonderful models available to us.

Healing is a lifelong process. Our minds and bodies need daily exercise, meditation, yoga, sleep, nutritious food, time in Nature, a safe place to live, meaningful work, good friends, loving partners, caring therapists, taking care of our internal system of parts, inspiring films, podcasts and books, comforting music, daily fun and laughter, awe-inspiring experiences, soul-nourishing travel… We all need as many of these helpful things as we can get, every day.

So, please try to be patient. Healing cannot be rushed, however frustrated we may feel, or urgent it might seem. Like all good things, it takes time.

But also know that it is always possible, however bad things have been for you, however much you are suffering today, however hopeless things may seem right now. I know this from my own experience and from helping people heal their trauma every single day.

Trust the process and your trauma can be healed – wishing you all the best with that journey,

Dan

 

The Revolution in Trauma Therapy – and Why Your Trauma Can Be Healed

Image by Frank McKenna

Over the last 30 years, there has been a revolution in the treatment of mental health problems. Gone are the days when some stern, unsympathetic psychiatrist would give you a scary diagnosis and tell you, ‘Sorry, but there’s nothing more we can do for you,’ before showing you out of his office.

We now understand so much more about how the mind, brain, nervous system and body are involved in any kind of mental health problem, whether that’s an anxiety disorder like OCD, a mood disorder like depression, or the deep wounds caused by traumatic experiences in childhood. We also understand how to treat these problems – even the most complex problems people can experience, like dissociative disorders or so-called personality disorders such as Borderline Personality Disorder.

There are now a number of trauma-informed therapies such as trauma-focused CBT, schema therapy, internal family systems therapy, compassion-focused therapy, sensorimotor psychotherapy and somatic experiencing therapy. All, in their different ways, are highly effective at understanding and treating the effects of traumatic experiences on the human mind and body.

The impact of trauma

As an Advanced Accredited Schema Therapist, Trainer & Supervisor, helping people with their mental health is my life’s mission. That’s why I specialise in treating complex trauma, because I believe that the experience of trauma, usually in childhood, is at the root of most psychological problems.

We increasingly understand this, because of research like the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study in the US, which found that traumatic experiences in childhood (like having a parent with a mental health problem or addiction, or witnessing domestic violence in the family) made people vulnerable to both mental and physical illness in later life.

There are 10 ACEs covering all aspects of childhood trauma, abuse and neglect, including socioeconomic issues like growing up in poverty – we know that these can also have a profound impact on young people’s mental health.

Sadly, the more ACEs you experience as a child, the more likely you are to develop mental health problems, have issues with substance abuse, or develop illnesses like multiple sclerosis, stroke, diabetes or cardiovascular disease. That’s because the highly stressful experience of trauma – especially ‘developmental trauma’, which happens at a key developmental stage in your childhood – has a profound and long-lasting effect on every part of your mind-body system.

Reasons to be hopeful

When I explain this to my clients – most of whom have experienced a number of ACEs in childhood – I know it sounds really depressing. So I quickly follow it up with the good news. I passionately believe that, whatever you have been through in your life, however bad it was and whatever wounds it has left you with, you can always heal. It’s never too late to start (I have worked with elderly people and seen them make deep and long-lasting changes) and, however daunting it may seem, you can always heal, change and grow.

One reason for my cast-iron hopefulness is understanding the theory of neuroplasticity. This tells us that your brain is ‘plastic’ (which means it is malleable, like clay). So when you learn anything new, your brain has to create new wiring and even new grey matter to accommodate that knowledge.

The famous example is of London’s black-cab drivers, who have to take an incredibly arduous test called the Knowledge. This means that they have to study around 320 routes and 25,000 London streets and get to know them all by heart.

This is seriously hard! So the would-be cabbies have to store a huge amount of new information their brain. And, when they do this, a part of the brain called the hippocampus, which has a major role in learning and memory, actually increases in size. New wiring. New grey matter.

How the brain heals itself

And exactly the same thing happens when your brain heals from whatever trauma you may have experienced. Whether that is through a trauma-informed therapy like schema therapy, reading self-help books or blogs like this one, or enjoying a loving, supportive relationship with your partner, as you heal from trauma your brain is literally rewiring itself.

This helps you replace negative self-beliefs with more positive and helpful ones. It increases your ability to regulate painful or overwhelming emotions. And it helps you process old trauma memories, so they don’t plague you in the present and can be consigned to history, where they belong.

My desire to help you with this journey is why I created my Heal Your Trauma project and why I write this blog. I aim to share all of my knowledge and experience with you, distilling my 10-plus years of clinical experience, during which I have helped hundreds of people overcome their mental health problems. Pass on everything I have learned from studying with some of the world’s foremost trauma experts. Share with you the incredibly powerful theory and techniques I have learned from cognitive therapy, schema therapy and many more trauma-informed therapy models currently available.

And give you powerful, effective techniques you can start using, right away, to regulate your nervous system, soothe the hurt little boy or girl inside, develop greater self-compassion, and start feeling calmer, happier and more peaceful day by day – do sign up using the form below to read my latest blog posts, hot off the press.

Helping you heal your trauma

When healing any kind of psychological problem, I strongly believe that knowledge is power. So do read my blog posts, where you will find a huge amount of information, available for free, forever. In the future I will be offering a whole host of other resources, like guided meditations, workshops and self-help books. But you should start with my blog, which will be updated regularly and is packed with a wealth of resources to help you on your healing journey.

Whether you experienced trauma as a child or some other painful experience, such as emotional neglect, I look forward to helping you with the most important project of your life – freeing yourself from the painful shackles of your past and embracing a kinder, more compassionate, more meaningful present and future. I will be with you every step of the way.

Warm wishes,

Dan

 

Why You are a Trauma Survivor, Not a Trauma Victim

Image by Ben White

I am often amazed by the strength, resilience and innate healing capacities of my clients. They truly are an inspiration to me – and are one of the reasons I am so passionate about my work. Trying to help people like them is also why I write this blog, so I can reach out to many more people than those I am able to work with, one-to-one, in therapy.

I think all of my clients are incredible people, but especially those who have survived the most awful childhoods. These are people who have endured some of the worst things life can throw at you, whether that is some kind of trauma, abuse, emotional neglect, or cold, unloving and punitive parents.

And of course these people carry the wounds of their trauma. Many of them have struggled with lifelong bouts of depression, one or more anxiety disorders, volatile or unhappy relationships, and often deep-seated feelings of shame or self-dislike.

Trauma survivors may also need extreme ways of coping with their extreme, painful emotions. That might be using substances such as weed, alcohol or other drugs to numb out painful feelings. If you are coping with the impact of trauma, you might use food as a way of coping, whether that is restricting or over/comfort-eating. You may also use activities like gambling, shopping, obsessional use of TV/internet/social media to distract you from the hurt little boy or girl inside.

You are stronger than you think

But if you are reading this, whatever horrible or hurtful things you have been through in your life, you have survived. You have endured. You have persevered. And that is why you should think of yourself as a trauma survivor, not a trauma victim. Surviving trauma takes strength, resilience and tapping into the miraculous, wonderful healing inner resources we all possess.

That is why I always tell my clients that all of the problematic behaviours in their lives are probably coping responses they learned as a child. And in schema therapy, we see those coping responses as parts of the person (known as modes), which as a child were absolutely healthy, adaptive and necessary to survive your trauma with mind and body reasonably intact.

What is your survival story?

If you are struggling with the effects of trauma you endured, either as a child, or what we call a ‘single-incident trauma’ in adulthood, such as a violent crime or car crash, here is a technique that might help. You can write this by hand, in a journal, or type it, whatever works best for you. But I want you to think about your ‘survival story’.

For example, if you were unlucky enough to have cruel, unloving, harshly critical parents, that will of course have left a mark. You might feel extremely anxious, suffer from depression, or have problems with your self-esteem. But you also drew on a rage of inner resources to help you survive that traumatic childhood.

Maybe you found a grandparent, favourite aunt or teacher at school who could give you some of the love and care you so badly needed. Perhaps you survived by retreating into a fantasy world, imagining a happier family life, where your parents actually showed their love to you. Or maybe your imagination ran wild, conjuring up visions of living on Mars, or inhabiting your favourite cartoon or TV series.

Coping against all the odds

You may have lost yourself in Nature, or video games, or books, where you felt safe and could forget about your horrible parents for at least a short time. What this tells us is that you used incredible creativity, resourcefulness and determination to make the best of things; to be independent and self-sufficient; to cope, the best you knew how.

This is your survival story, so please write it down. I want you to see yourself as the hero of this story, because, if you are reading this now, you survived whatever horrible things life through at you. You made it through – battered and bruised, but still alive, with a whole host of wonderful qualities, despite your struggles.

And this tells a different story than the harsh, self-critical one about everything that’s wrong with you. It tells a story of courage, of strength, of incredible resilience and of survival. And the more you believe this story, the stronger and better you will feel – because you deserve to, as much as any other person on this planet.

Warm wishes,

Dan