For a Happier, Kinder World We Should All Nourish Our Inner Bonobo
Image by mmcclain90/Pixabay
One of the reasons I enjoy writing these posts is the lovely community of people around the world who read them. From the feedback I get, it seems that most of you share my values, dreaming of a world with more love, kindness and compassion for all living beings. But if, like me, you read the news every day, it can seem like humanity is heading in the opposite direction. At times, it looks pretty awful out there – and it’s hard to have a rosy image of the world in general and our species in particular, as we wage war against each other, the most vulnerable among us and the natural world.
But as I often argue in my writing and teaching, it’s easy to get a distorted picture of humanity, especially viewed through the media’s lens. It’s clearly true that we can be horrible and – far more than any other species – have the propensity to be cruel, selfish and mindlessly destructive. But the other story of humanity, which is far less well covered, is that we also have the potential to be kind, loving, generous of spirit and warm of heart. In fact, the main reason our relatively puny species of human, homo sapiens, out-competed all the other species – including the far more powerful Neanderthals – was because of our prosocial, collaborative skills and behaviour. You and I are alive right now because our ancestors worked together and helped each other – and this is hard-wired into our DNA.
Our primate ancestors
It’s a common misconception that we are descended from primates living today – in fact, humans and apes like chimps or gorillas have a common ancestor, from whom we diverged in our particular branches of the tree of life around 6-8 million years ago. But we do have much in common with our primate cousins, particularly the way we evolved to live in groups and the subsequent development of our brains. Neuroscientists believe that the reason we have such big, powerful brains – especially the cortical layer, which does all the high-powered cognitive stuff – is the processing power it took to live in a group. Navigating all those hunter-gatherer relationships was hard (That girl hates me now but we used to be friends – what did I do wrong? I like her but I’m not sure if she likes me, maybe she’s just being friendly? Why are they gossiping about me by the water hole? Where do I fit in the group – hunter, warrior, medicine man, chief?), not to mention the development of complex language, tool use and other behaviours we share with chimps, gorillas and orangutans.
And this helps us understand our innate drives and impulses – some aggressive and combative, others loving and prosocial. This became crystal clear to me when I watched a fascinating nature documentary set in the Democratic Republic of Congo. In the vast jungle and on opposite sides of the mighty Congo River, lived two bands of primates. On one side were the chimps, notoriously aggressive, territorial and (interestingly) patriarchal. Bands of chimps are led by an alpha male, who is violent to his rivals and kills neighbouring bands to take their patch of jungle – and all those juicy fig trees – by force.
Across the river lived the bonobos – another species of primate which is like a smaller chimp, as you can see from the image above. Bonobos live in groups too, but these are matriarchal, led by older females who don’t stand for any nonsense from the hormonal, boisterous young males. These apes are peaceful and prosocial, living in relative harmony with other members of their band and neighbouring bonobo groups.
Cultivate your inner bonobo
It seems to me that we all have an inner chimp and inner bonobo. And that, in many of our societies, although the chimps are currently in charge, most of us are bonobos. We are naive enough to elect chimps, who crash around doing chimps-like things (trashing the environment, lying, being corrupt, starting wars). But everyone I know just wants to live in peace, for their kids to be happy and safe, to live a long, comfortable and healthy life. Who wants war, really? The chimps, perhaps, but not the rest of us.
So if you are despairing about the state of the world right now, remember that bonobos can be leaders too. Think of Ghandi, the Buddha, Nelson Mandela, Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama, Martin Luther King, JFK. And of course matriarchal leaders like Jacinda Arden, Michelle Obama, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Kamala Harris, AOC, Sanna Marin and Angela Merkel, who are far more prosocial and staunch defenders of democracy compared with the current breed of alpha-male, strongmen, chimp-like populists doing such damage around the world.
So, be more bonobo. Give, generously, of your time, money, energy and love (the Palestinians are in desperate need of those things right now). Vote for bonobo-like leaders who will restore sanity and stability to our global human family. Love all animals, eating them sparingly if you must (even chimps mostly eat fruit!). Cultivate helpful, Buddhist mental states like loving-kindness, equanimity, compassion and sympathetic joy – all very bonobo-like ways of thinking and behaving in the world.
Don’t despair. The chimps may be in charge right now, but it won’t last forever – our time will come soon.
Love,
Dan ❤️
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