What I have Learned from 12 Months of Sobriety
Photo by Jake Charles/Unsplash
It’s easy to remember the date of my last drink, because it was my wife, Laura’s, birthday: 20th July 2025. And the day after that a four-month bout of dizziness came on strong, which made the idea of drinking alcohol frankly absurd. When you already feel dizzy and weird all the time, the last thing you need is a substance that makes you feel even more out of it. And when I was emerging from my prolonged dizzy spell, my consultant (who had diagnosed BPPV as the cause of my wobbliness) advised me not to drink for a few months.
Since then, I just haven’t wanted to drink at all. I’m trying to be nuanced about that, less ‘I will never drink again!’ and more, ‘Well, I’m enjoying this calm and clarity, so let’s try a year and see how it goes.’
I may never drink again, which is a distinct possibility. The dizziness does come back from time to time, which makes it easy to choose sobriety. And I do feel better, mostly about myself. It was amazing to go to my son’s wedding and, surrounded by enticing alcoholic drinks, to feel completely comfortable not actually drinking any of them. I like saying to people, ‘Oh, I’m not drinking,’ or ‘I’m off the booze,’ in a low-key but proud way.
Because there have been times in my life where I could not have imagined a life without alcohol, let alone avoiding it with such ease.
Lesson one: listen to your body
As well as the dizziness, I feel like my body has been telling me it’s had enough of drinking for some time now. If you are a similar age to me (approaching 60), you may have found your ability to process toxins has decreased markedly! And that’s just a biological fact – like many aspects of ageing, your liver, kidneys and other detoxifying systems in the body just don’t work as well with age.
Even though, prior to this sober spell, I was drinking very moderately for years – a few glasses of wine at the weekend, nothing in the week – I would often feel awful in the morning. I have had many, many hangovers in my life but am determined never to have another! My poor brain, body and sensitive nervous system just can’t handle it. Sometimes, just two glasses of wine would leave me feeling dreadful the next day.
And I stopped enjoying the feeling of drinking, which I used to love. As soon as I felt a bit, well, off, I didn’t want any more of the wine, beer or whatever was making me feel that way. One of the things I love about sobriety is that I always feel like me. I never (well, rarely) say silly things I later regret. I don’t make jokes that don’t land, or are unintentionally hurtful. I am mindful, all the time, as the Buddha recommended. And I love that.
Lesson two: you will feel your feelings
From an internal family systems (IFS) perspective one reason we drink, or use other substances, is to numb our painful feelings. Anxious, stressed, sad, lonely, afraid, depressed – alcohol takes the edge off those feelings, or gets rid of them completely. And the part of you who uses these substances to numb your pain is called a firefighter – putting out the hot flames of emotion by any means necessary.
Of course, when you take away those substances, you remove this part’s ability to help you feel numb, or distract you away from difficult experiences. So if you are sober-curious, prepare to feel your feelings, big time! And that’s no bad thing, of course, we have to feel it to heal it, as the saying goes. But I have noticed feeling more of the painful stuff – anxious, low, stressed, upset – as well as the delicious stuff – joyful, excited, proud, loving – since quitting drinking.
Happily, I have a wonderful IFS therapist to help me process all this stuff, as well as a loving, supportive wife, family and friends. But it’s still tough at times, especially not having anything to change my vibe. The only time I really want a drink is Friday night, when work is done for the week and I want to switch off and relax (not always easy for me, as I have such driven, hard-working parts). Fizzy water doesn’t quite cut it.
Generally though, if you are thinking of being sober for a while, I strongly recommend it. Especially if you’re struggling with your mental health, because alcohol does not help at all with your mood. And party drugs like cocaine and MDMA even less so – they play havoc with your dopamine system, among many other unhelpful effects.
For now, watch this space. I may fancy a drink again sometime, or this might be the new, sober me. And I have to say, the calm, clear water is rather lovely if you feel like joining me.
Love,
Dan ❤️
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