What is Self-energy? And how can it Boost Your Happiness?
Image by Leo Wieling/Unsplash
When was the last time you felt truly calm and happy? Recently, I hope. This grounded, in-the-moment state is something we all seek, but can prove elusive. That’s especially truly in our frazzled age, as we hop from one digital space to the next, our ability to focus and pay attention vanishing as we bounce from one distraction to the next.
Luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way. We have known for a long time (2,500 years, to be exact) how to develop a strong, focused attention – we call that mindfulness. This was one of the Buddha’s deep insights as he achieved enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree in Northern India. He spent the rest of his life teaching devotees how to achieve this same mindful state of deep concentration and so drastically reduce their day-to-day suffering.
But you don’t need to be the Buddha – or even a Buddhist – to become more mindful. That’s the beauty of meditation, something that can be practised any time, anywhere and is absolutely free. Here is a short mindfulness of breath meditation in my (non-profit) online store, if you would like a little zap of mindfulness right now.
What is Self-energy?
There is another powerful resource that’s available to us all and emanates from the same brain region as mindfulness (the prefrontal cortex, just behind your forehead). In the internal family systems (IFS) model this is called ‘Self-energy’ and is the energetic expression of Self, which can be a bit hard to describe in words (it’s better experienced), but is the powerful, healing resource at the heart of the IFS model and your inner world.
If this all sounds a bit woo-woo, let’s make it more concrete. Here are the ‘eight C’ qualities of Self-energy, described by Dr Richard Schwartz, founder of IFS:
Calmness
Clarity
Connectedness
Curiosity
Compassion
Creativity
Courage
Confidence
Who, reading this, would not like more of these lovely qualities as they move through their day? I know I would. Luckily, like mindfulness, all the wonderful, life-enriching qualities of Self-energy can be either access or developed, depending on your viewpoint. Dick Schwartz (as he likes to be called) would say that Self is present from birth – it’s our natural state. It just gets covered up and hidden by the parts we inevitably develop as we move through childhood, accumulating hurts and possibly traumas as we go.
I would respectfully disagree and say that, although all children have the potential to develop these qualities, whether we do or not depends on the kind of nurturing we get and how our environment shapes us. But either way, it’s clear that we can also develop these beneficial mental states through skills-building experiences and exercises like therapy, journalling or meditation.
How to increase your Bandwidth of Self-energy
Another exercise you can try right now is called The Path Meditation, which was developed by the brilliant Dick Schwartz and adapted by me. People seem to love this one. It guides you on a journey down a long path, leaving your parts behind at the base and walking the path as alone, or as yourself (= your Self). It gives you a taste of Self-energy and, if you repeat exercises like this, or really any meditation practice like metta (loving-kindness), equanimity or self-compassion practices, you are upskilling your brain and increasing the bandwidth of Self-energy available to you in daily life.
I see this happening in my clients all the time and it’s so deeply gratifying, for them and me. Bit by subtle bit they start getting calmer, steadier, kinder and more compassionate to themselves in the bumpy moments when it’s so easy to berate ourselves or get frustrated at some perceived inadequacy. They feel it, I see it and the people around them do too. And that’s why I do what I do, even if it’s a marathon sometimes (especially when people have experienced severe trauma, it’s often very hard for them to change and can take many years), I just stay patient and trust we will get there in the end.
And that’s the one thing I would like you to take away from this post – as I’m always telling people, It’s never too much and never too late to heal (I like this so much I put it on a T-shirt!). And that’s because we have all these remarkable qualities, either waiting to be accessed, as Dick Schwartz would argue. Or to be developed, if we didn’t get what we needed as kids and so require a little help now in becoming more mindful, courageous, calm, compassionate and the other lovely prefrontal stuff we can all become skilled in.
Please don’t give up hope, even if it’s hard.
Remember that change is always possible.
Know that you are a beautiful soul, worthy of love and all the good things life has to offer.
Love,
Dan ❤️
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