If You’re Struggling with Depression, Remember there is Always Hope
Image by Quino Al/Unsplash
Having lived with it for many years, I know only too well how awful depression can be. It’s exhausting, demoralising, painful, sucking the colour out of life and the hope from your future. I lived with that black cloud over my head for more years than I would like to admit. But I have also been largely depression-free for a long time now, so I believe – based on my own experience, as well as that of hundreds of my clients – that depression can be treated. It doesn’t have to darken the rest of your life.
Let’s start by recognising how common depression is around the world. According to the World Health Organization, 5.7 per cent of adults worldwide suffer from this debilitating condition. More women than men are affected, for various reasons. And, as the WHO emphasises: ‘There is effective treatment for mild, moderate and severe depression.’
That treatment involves medical options like taking antidepressants, most commonly SSRIs such as Citalopram or Sertraline (in the US, Celexa and Zoloft). Many of my clients take SSRIs like these and often find them helpful, especially when they are really struggling and need urgent help.
You may also be offered talking therapies such as CBT, counselling, psychodynamic therapy or newer models such as EMDR, compassion-focused therapy, schema therapy, internal family systems or other trauma-informed approaches. You might also be steered towards an eight-week mindfulness programme like mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) or mindful self-compassion (MSC). All of these styles of therapy and meditation programmes can be helpful, so I suggest doing some research and finding which resonates most with you.
The Practice: CALM Meditation for Depression
Alongside talk therapy and possibly medication, it’s a good idea to find holistic techniques and strategies you find helpful. That’s one reason I developed my Insight Timer collection, which includes a wide range of practices for anxiety, depression, worry and much more. I recently wrote a post about my new CALM Meditation, a practice I have been developing for years. That post focused on CALM for anxiety but I have now recorded a new version for depression, which I very much hope will be helpful.
CALM is an acronym for Curiosity, Acceptance, Love and Mindfulness. All good things, I’m sure you will agree! Here’s a text version of the practice, if you want some help with your low mood right now (you can try this with a therapist, partner or friend, having them read it to you, if you would like):
Find a comfortable sitting position, making sure your feet are flat and grounded on the floor, your spine is upright but relaxed and gently roll your shoulders back, then let them drop. Close your eyes, if that feels comfortable for you, or soften and lower your gaze.
Take some deep breaths, using my Compassionate Breathing practice. In through your nose, out through your mouth, slow, deep and steady. Try counting to four seconds on both the in- and out-breath. Allow your belly to rise and fall with each inhale and exhale. Keep breathing deeply for one minute.
Now let’s move into the practice. We start with Curiosity, which means getting curious about what you are feeling right now. If you’re feeling depressed, you may notice a heaviness in your body, as if it’s hard to hold your head up. Your muscles might be aching and fatigued. You may feel like your body posture is slumping forward in the chair.
Turning towards your emotions, you may feel sad, lonely, or a sense of dread in the pit of your stomach. You might also feel angry, agitated or irritable. Or you may feel numb, as if you’re frozen inside. There is no right or wrong way to feel, so just notice whatever is happening.
As you scan your thoughts, you might notice they skew negative, probably very self-critical and moving between worry (about the future) and rumination (about the past). Again, just notice whatever you are thinking, no need to change anything for now.
Now start to connect with the part of you feeling so bad, which we call your inner child. Take some time to connect, saying hello and letting them know big, strong, adult you is there. When the time feels right, ask them why they are suffering so much. Resist the temptation to fix or problem-solve and just let them speak. This communication might be in words (your thoughts), images, memories, emotions, body sensations or some other way. Just be receptive to whatever form of communication you receive.
The next stage is to practice Acceptance of whatever you’re experiencing. Buddhism teaches us that we expand our suffering by trying to cling on to good feelings or push away bad ones. Instead, try accepting whatever your reality is right now.
Part of your struggle at the moment is probably caused by protective parts who desperately try to take you out of this reality, having you sleep or watch TV all day, overeat comfort foods, drink alcohol, smoke weed or get lost in a world of gaming. And that’s OK, no need for judgement or self-blame. Depression is painful, so of course you don’t want to feel it.
But the Buddha also taught that turning towards your suffering – and your inner child’s – with kindness and compassion is the only path to genuine, rather than temporary, relief. Let this sad little kid know you totally understand why they feel so bad, you’re here for them and they don’t have to do this alone. They have you and always will.
Now we add the magic ingredient of Love, turning towards that little kid inside with warmth, care and compassion. Ask what they need from you right now. That might be to hear their story, perhaps memories of painful times from your childhood, trauma or neglect you may have experienced in the family or at school. Again, no need to jump in with solutions, just listen and keep reminding them you’re there, you want to hear more and that you love them.
They might need a big hug, but again make sure to ask rather than forcing this in any way. It should be organic and come from them. If they do want a hug, settle into that, rub their back or stroke their hair, using simple, comforting language like, ‘I’m here’, ‘I’ve got you’, or ‘I care about you deeply’. Just use whatever words feel right for them.
Then see what they need moving forward, like checking in daily, putting a photo of them on your desk, or the lockscreen of your phone. Remind them you’re not going anywhere, you love them, that this relationship is for life.
Then say goodbye for now, let go of the practice completely, let your breath return to normal and rest. Use Mindfulness to scan your body and see how you’re feeling. You might notice some new, good feelings – perhaps some warmth in your heart, a feeling of peacefulness or calm, your muscles becoming softer and more relaxed.
Even if these feelings are quite subtle, focus on them, enjoy them, let them soak into your body. This is the gold of practices like these, because it’s a sign that your little self is feeling a bit better – and of course, that you are too. Spend 30 seconds enjoying these feelings, then take a deep breath and open your eyes.
That’s it – I very much hope you enjoyed the practice. Do check it out on Insight Timer or in my non-profit online store.
Love,
Dan ❤️
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